You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
