she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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