did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
