So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
