Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
