I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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