I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
