I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I CAN MOONWALK!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
