So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
