There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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