found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
