This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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