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Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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