Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
