Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
