After last night, I could never be a politician.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
