He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
