remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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