After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
