think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
