So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
