What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
