summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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