based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
