What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
