If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
