i need an iv and a liver transplant
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
