I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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