I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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