my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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