Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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