No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
