I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
