I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
