she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
