I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
