i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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