Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
