thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
