I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
