I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
