I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
