I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
