hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
