The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is Oprah even human
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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