Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
