Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
