i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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