how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
