she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
