Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
