Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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